Imperfect parenting

The other week I had a dream, one I've had for years and years. It's not a nightmare exactly, but the dream is always the same: I'm about to graduate from college, but somehow, through stupidity or laziness, I have neglected to amass enough course credits to graduate.

A rush of voices crowd into my dreaming brain, urgently asking: What am I going to tell my parents, who spent so much money on my tuition? What am I going to do without a college degree? How am I going to get a job? Why can't I talk the college dean into letting me take summer school? What will become of my life? Will I ever amount to anything?

The voices become louder and louder until I wake up, shaking, and suddenly, in a warm rush of gratitude, I remember: I am 54 years old. I am married. I am gainfully employed, with a job that I like very much. I live in a nice house, with a nice garden I made myself.

And most of all, I have three teenagers.

This last fact is the most important part you need to know about me as I launch this blog, "Teen Angst". I have 16½ -year-old twins (one boy, one girl) and a 14½-year old daughter. They are less exhausting than when they were 2 years old and a newborn, but they make me worry more. They do, however, provide me with priceless material every day for this blog - as do all the wonderful publicists out there who keep sending me free books on raising teenagers and calling me with story pitches.

Yesterday wasn't a very teen-age-ish day on the free book front. I did receive one in the mail titled, "The White Trash Mom's Handbook: Embrace Your Inner Trailerpark, Forget Perfection, Resist Assimilation into the PTA, Stay Sane, and Keep Your Sense of Humor," by Michelle Lamar and Molly Wedland (St. Martin's Griffin, 240 pages, $13.95)

Besides the annoying title - just one more way to poke fun at people who live in mobile homes - its parenting philosophy is right out of the "Slacker Mom" school, and a clear reaction to my baby boomer generation's obsessive parenting style. Nothing wrong with that, of course. In fact, I recall writing about a similar book just two weeks ago, Anna Johnson's "The Yummy Mummy's Manifesto," which basically told new moms to relax and chill... while hanging on to one's sense of style, chic, and playfulness.

This book, the - um - "White Trash" one, says moms need to relax and chill, too, but don't worry about looking good while you're doing it. It's really less a parenting guide than a document on the ongoing class war in this nation's elementary schools between the "Muffia" - perfect moms - and women like author Michelle Lamar, who says in an excerpt published on Amazon.com's site:

"Look at all the moms in the parking lot every day. Perfect hair. Perfectly dressed. And then look at us. Well, you look pretty good...most of the time. OK, now look at me. I take my kids to school in my pajamas every day. I'm lucky if they get there on time.... It's about being imperfect as a mom and being OK with that. Embracing it! And to hell with all the perfect moms! As if!"

OK! Point taken.

There are some funny bits in it ("Do Chores Like a Teen: Load the dishwasher with only the glasses and dishes that are in the sink. Load up the dishwasher and start to run the dishwasher with only five dishes in it. Act surprised and shocked with parent stops you from completing your chore.").

But there's another book that also came in yesterday that looks a little more my speed, as the confounded mother of a 16-year-old boy: "Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men/ Understanding the Critical Years Between 16 and 26" by Michael Kimmel.

You mean I'm facing 10 more years of this?

Stay tuned.