As a parent of boys that have already jumped into the world of sports, I read this MSNBC article with great interest:

This Friday, 14,000 athletes from 204 countries around the world will gather in London for the opening of the Olympic Games.  Imagine their excitement as each of these athletes prepares to compete.

Now imagine each and every one receiving a gold medal – just for “showing up.”

Sounds stupid, right?  After all, that’s not what sports are about.  In sports, somebody wins - somebody loses.  Somebody gets a gold medal and somebody goes home empty handed.  That’s sports.  That’s life.

So tell me, why do we feel the need to award every kid a trophy for every sport they play?

 Read the full article here

Recently, my kids finished a very fun, non-competitive season of t-ball.  There were no strikes, no balls and no runs batted in. Nobody kept score, everyone won.  And at the end of the season we al left happy and satisfied with just having fun.  Then the other coaches suggested we get trophies for the kids for participating.  Everyone LOVED the idea. And so we got them trophies. And the kids LOVED them.  They were happy as you can imagine and felt so proud of their accomplishments.

A little voice inside my head, however, nagged "what accomplishments"? 

Are we rewarding kids for everything these days? Will they lose a sense of accomplishment if we continue to reward them for everything? 
As a parent I'm not entirely sure what the right answer is. While I see the argument that we should only give rewards to first place, I also enjoy seeing the joy of my children's faces when they receive a reward (ribbon, medal, trophy) for giving it their all and competing.

I think we need to find a better balance between rewarding kids for a "job well done" and also encouraging them to compete to be the best (which I think can be a very healthy and important life lesson to learn)

Where do you stand on the issue?

Ben had a dentist appointment yesterday.  If you live within a 20 mile radius of Squirrel Hill you probably already know this.  That screaming you heard around 11 a.m?  Yep, that was Ben.  Getting his teeth cleaned.

You should see him getting his yearly shots.

Seriously.

Matthew is not a fan of doctors in general, either, but we can usually appeal to his reasonable side and he'll give in, suck it up and behave.

With Ben we just never know.  Some days he's perfectly fine and normal. Goes into the doctor or dentist without incident. Other days are like today.  He didn't want to go to begin with and then nothing I did or said helped.

Our dentist is fabulous. We went to "Dr. Jack" specifically because he works with kids all the time and he has some sort of magic powers to make kids go in crying and come out smiling.  He's done this with Ben before, on several occasions.  But not today.

We had to literally hold his hands and legs (not hard, he wasn't in any pain) just to keep him from swatting away the dentist or kicking me.  He screamed like someone was murdering him the entire time. Scream, scream, scream.

By the time we were done and walked out of that room (greeted by the stares of everyone in the rest of the office, with looks of horror on their faces) I was humiliated.  I was angry, sad, exhausted, and just plain weary.  I needed a cigarette and I don't even smoke.

I hate when I'm "that mom". The mom of the screaming, crying kid.  Every time I see a "that mom" I make sure to give her a reassuring nod, smile or even stop to tell her I know just how she feels.  It can be so isolating. 

I know I'm not alone. I was just talking to a friend recently who said her son has extreme anxiety when it comes to doctors. She has to basically trick him into going because if she tells him about an appointment in advance he gets way too upset.

I wish I had the perfect solution. I've tried it all. I've tried being reasonable, tried being stern. Tried bribing. Tried threatening. Tried soothing.  Nothing works.

Have you ever had a bad "medical" experience with your kids?  Do you have any personal strategies that work?

As most of you know, as a professor, I am off for most of the summer. I try to go into the office once or twice a week, but aside from that I'm home with the kids. We've had a few days of summer camp, but for the most part we've been home together.  Every year this gets easier and more fun.  The first few years of the kids' lives I was literally scared of the summer. Trying to entertain two toddlers for 12 hours a day was exhausting.

Now, at 5 and 7, they're much easier. They entertain themselves. We can go places and do fun things like waterparks, bowling, the pool and more.  I'm loving the summers.

What I didn't count on is that my kids are spending TOO much time together.  I think we've reached the point that they need a break from each other.  And, of course, summer camp is cancelled today because of the weather.

I woke up this morning to one tattling on the other, then fighting. Followed by more fighting. Followed by hitting. Followed by pushing. Followed by crying. Followed by more tattling. Followed by more fighting.

Within five minutes of being awake, they were both in "isolation" (which equals "go to your room and read books before I lose my mind!")

It worked. For ten minutes. Then I heard them fighting through the walls ("I can hear you reading! Can you read quieter!!") Oh my god. I'm going to lose my mind.

We still have four more weeks of summer. I need to get this under control.  They have GOT to stop bickering so much. I remember my brother and I fighting all the time and being sent to our rooms.  I think it stopped when we both moved out of the house after high school. Please god tell me it won't last that long. My mother is probably laughing as she reads this.  Payback.

So do you have any good strategies for dealing with bickering kids?

I'm an extrovert. I've always been an extrovert. I like people, I like social situations. An extrovert is someone that " is energized by being around other people."  That describes me to a tee.  I've never known any different. I've spent my whole life "figuring out who I am" and what makes me happy, sad, motivated, etc. I think I've got it figured out pretty well by now.

But now I have children, and they have different personalities than me.  And it's not just like have a husband or friend with a different personality type. They are old enough to take care of themselves, motivate themselves, etc. I just have to live with it. But having a child is different.  I have to help them grow, follow directions, learn, socialize and be happy. And doing that requires that I know and understand their personalities. 

I've got Matthew pretty well figured out. That's easy because he's nearly identical to me. Ben, on the other hand, is a more difficult nut to crack.  He's friendly and social, but not always comfortable around lots of people.  He likes to do things but doesn't often like change.  His mood can change in a moment's notice. I always thought he was just "difficult" or "spirited" or "shy" but none of those definitions really fit him perfectly.

And ten someone posted this graphic to Pinterest. And then someone posted it to Facebook. And then someone posted it to Live Journal.  And it was like a lightbulb went off.  This describes Ben nearly to a tee.

I'm not sure a graphic has ever been responsible for changing someone's life before, but I can say that it did around here. It finally made sense. Ben is an introvert.  He's a social introvert and loves having friends over, etc. but he does much better one on one, not in big groups. He hates to be interrupted. He needs to learn things in private. He gets very frustrated when I push him to be an extrovert.

Now that I understand a little better how to "properly care for an introvert" I feel like my parenting has changed. I used to get very upset when we'd have friends over and they'd all be playing a big group game and Ben would be off by himself coloring or playing in the sandbox. Now I realize that's ok. That he's happy. And if he's happy being alone I shouldn't push him to play with the big group at that moment. He needs to pick and choose when he's around people and when he needs his time to himself. I used to (wrongly) think that if he was alone that he was sad. But the opposite is true. He enjoys his time coloring, drawing, playing with his toys by himself.

He doesn't see it as a failure to make friends but rather as a choice.  And I need to respect that choice. 

I'm learning. Every day I'm learning.  This parenting thing is really hard but I'm enjoying the lessons.