Pittsburgh Mom

Mystery illness - helpless and frustrated

Heather — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 03:07:00 GMT

I posted a question about strawberry allergies to the forums the other day and now things have take another turn. (I tested the "strawberry theory" that day and, of course, he didn't have a reaction so I was back to square one). Today I got a call from daycare saying that Ben was having what looked like an allergic reaction. I picked him up and he had the same rash on his face that he had when this all started to happen last year. The photos below were taken tonight, about 5 hours after his "reaction", so it looks MUCH better than it did when I picked him up. This time his eyelids swelled up in addition to his face. I'm stilll not convinced that it's all eczema, I really think he's allergic to something. But what? We've tried writing down everythig. Tried cutting out all products with scents, dyes, etc. Tried cutting out certain foods. And yet we still get these random breakouts.

There's nothing worse than your child being sick or hurt or in pain. Except possibly your child being sick, hurt, or in pain and you not having any idea why. I'm so frustrated and feel so helpless. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to FIX what's wrong. And I can't fix it if I can't figure it out. I feel like I'm failing him. Poor thing.

What do we do when we, as their biggest protectors, can't protect them, can't fix it?

Is Barbie driving the fire truck? The joys of toy organization

Heather — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 15:17:00 GMT

The boys asked to play with Play-Doh yesterday. Upon opening a can of what looked like perfectly fine Play-Doh, I discovered this ---------->

As much as I try to keep our toys organized, sorted, and in good shape, it slowly but surely happens, Barbie ends up driving the fire truck.

Well, I take that back, we don't have any Barbies in this house, but I think right now the clown from the Little People Amusement Park is driving the fire truck. And the fireman is flying the GeoTrax airplane. And the Little People car is currently racing down the Melissa & Doug ramp racer and the Hungry Hippos are eating gumballs (which the probably prefer over the marbles anyway).

I got so excited at Christmas after we opened our new toys (the sixteen-hour process was rewarded with fresh clean toys with all the parts right where they were supposed to be!) We had all the parts to all of the toys, and they were all in the right rooms/baskets/places. It was toy organization heaven. For about thirty seconds.

I try. I really try so hard to keep things organized. But those toys have so many tiny little parts to them. I have the toy organizer basket think from Target that everyone has, labeled neatly with my trusty labelmaker. But things still get separated. On a side note, I was disconcerted this last round of organizing when I had to label a basket "Weapons". I know I have boys, but there's something wrong with that, isnt' there?

We had Ben's birthday party this weekend and he got two trucks that had little drivers in them. The drivers were all "strapped" in with those annoying wire twist ties, tape, and more. And you know what I did?

Not a thing. Those guys are staying put. There will be no job transfers there, the dump truck driver will never see the light of day. I'm keeping him prisioner.

Hey, people, lose the eye roll, I'm tired of the judging

Heather — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:11:00 GMT

I was at the mall yesterday with my boys and some other moms from PittsburghMom. At one point we were waiting for another mom to come back and our three boys started chasing each other in the food court. They were making laps around the garbage can, laughing and screaming a bit. We asked them to "use their inside voices" but did not stop them from running. Maybe we should have, I don't know, but they were being good, they weren't fighting, they were giving us two minutes of peace,and so we let them run. A woman walked by at one point and made no effort to hide her look of disgust, her eye-roll and her head shake.

A couple of weeks ago I was in another mall and my kids were being a bit loud and overactive. So I made them stop and sit down. Matthew took it like a champ, but two-year-old Ben went into full tantrum mode and laid on the floor screaming and kicking his legs. I let him "work it out" rather than give in to him. Then, too, some women walked by and gave the same disgusted eye-roll and head shake.

What the hell is wrong with people? I would think women, of all people, would understand that it's HARD having kids. And with judgmental people, we just can't win. If we let them play, we get the eye roll. If we dicipline them and heaven-forbid they cry, we get the eye roll.

I ask you judgmental people "What would you have us do?" Stay home? Probably their answer, I'm thinking.

Well, I for one, am tired of it. I'm *this close* to stopping one of these "judgies" (my new nickname for the eye-roll crowd) and tell them about my day.

I'll tell them how many noses I wiped that morning, how many diapers I've changed, how many time outs I've given, how many spills I've cleaned up, how many boo boo's I've kissed, how many fights I've broken up, how many tears I've kissed away, how many tantrums I've handled, how many times I've heard "mommy!", how many shoes and socks and coats and hats and gloves I've put on, how many car seats I've buckled and unbuckled, how many toddlers I've chased through the mall as they've run away from the play area, how many times I've carted the three-year-old to the bathroom after we JUST went and he said he didn't have to go, how many times I've said "no you can't have candy for breakfast".

Then I'll remind them that it's only 11 a.m. and I still have approximately 7 hours until my husband gets home and if they are bothered by my kid running happily around a garbage can while I get three solid minutes of peace, then they can trade their designer bag and fancy car keys for my orange juice-stained diaper bag and mini van keys and spend the next 7 hours with my kids while I sit in judgement of them.

Whether the "judgies" just don't have kids, can't remember what it's like to have kids that young and energetic, or just had perfect kids (yea right!) I just ask that they stop for one minute before that head shake and eye-roll, remember (or imagine) what it was like in those days and cut us a break, then just walk away. Walk away with the knowledge that you are surely a better mother than me, and let me enjoy my damn coffee.

It's hard enough being a mom, we don't need you to remind us of our imperfections.

OK, I'm getting down off my soap box now.

Bummer of a birthday

Heather — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:40:00 GMT

My sweet baby Ben turned two on Saturday. If you ask him, though, he'll tell you he's three (I tweeee!), silly boy. He's my little spitfire. He's so adorable and so full of spunk and energy. From the time he was born I called him my boyfriend because I just couldn't get enough of him. He's still my little boyfriend, all 25 pounds of him.

I feel sorry for him, though, to have a birthday two days after Christmas. I swore up and down that I'd never have a Christmas baby. When we first started trying for kids I think I even avoided "trying' during March/April so that I wouldn't have a Christmas baby. I had a friend in high school that was born December 20 and I saw how she got the shaft and I was determined not to let that happen to my kids. Two years and lots of fertility treatments later, I was happy to have babies, I didn't care what month they were born.

But I do realize what a bummer of a birthday he's got. It just gets so much less attention than Matthew's June birthday. For Matthew we plan for weeks for a really cool party, a special day with our family, etc. It took all I had to wrap Ben's birthday presents in non-Christmas paper. I've barely planned a party, and most of the people I've invited are too busy or out of town. Heck, I didn't even manage to write this 'birthday' post until two days after his birthday. Poor kid.

I've heard of people that have Christmas birthdays celebrating in another month. I wonder if we can talk Ben into that.

March is nice, there's nothing going on in March.

He sure is cute, isn't he? And smart, he can (sort of) count already! He get stuck in a loop at 7,8 and then skips to the teens, but it's a start!

Click video below to play

Wrap rage

Heather — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 19:27:00 GMT

Like most of all of you, I suspect, I found myself spending WAY TOO MUCH time trying to unwrap things yesterday. What the hell? Why do they need to wrap toys up like they're Fort Knox or something? I was shocked to see this year, not only did I have to deal with the clamshell plastic packaging and those little twisted wires that attach every imagineable part to the packing, but we actually had SCREWS holding some of the toys in. Screws! And the item in question was just an inpensive store-brand kitchen thing that makes a bit of noise when you "turn the oven on", etc. It wasn't an iPod or anything! I think it cost $10. It probably could have cost $5 if they'd skip the packaging.

Over 6,000 people go to the emergency room each year because of packaging injuries. I'm frankly shocked I've never hurt myself (well, this year I did get a nasty papercut on a cardboard box of all things). 6,000 people! That's crazy. Just so that people don't steal the items from the store? Or are they worried that GI Joe will escape from his packaging and go on a wild drunken escapade with Barbie in her jeep after the store closes?

I see that Amazon has instituted "frustration-free packaging" this year. If they could actually convince manufactures not to use all of that crap I'd buy ALL of my toys from Amazon.

Did anyone get a "frustration-free" packaged toy? Reviews?

Next year I'm coming armed with a table saw.

I'm dreaming of a perfect Christmas

Heather — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:14:00 GMT

I'm so excited about Christmas tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to seeing the holiday through the boys' eyes. They understand that Santa's coming, they understand the idea of the baby Jesus and that we are getting gifts for his birthday because he loves us so much. We baked cookies today and got the carrots ready for the reindeer.

My fear is that I'm getting my hopes up too high. Inadvertantly we will have some fighting, some screaming, some tantrums, some tears. And I'm sure there will be some other family drama, I'm sure.

I think with small children it's important to realize that a perfect day is not a day without crying or tantrums. That's an impossibility. A perfect day is a day with more good times than bad, a day spent together. Merry Christmas to all of you.

May you have more smiles than tears.

Tummy tuck - the big reveal, with photos

Heather — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 02:56:00 GMT

It's been one month since my tummy tuck and liposuction surgery. Things are progressing nicely. They weren't kidding when they say that it'll take 6 months to be fully healed. I still have a bruised feeling on my hips and flanks and the incision is still healing. Once it's healed I'll start putting Mederma on it to fade the scar. Right now it's very red. I am feeling pretty good though, and finally able to start sleeping on my side again. I'm definitely still swollen, as most of my old pants are still very tight (who has lipsosuction and has to buy a bigger size? Only me!)

So I know you've all just been trying to "envision" what I looked like and why I really did this. So after much debate in my own mind, I decided to show you the pictures. I debated because, quite honestly, you can't see the real problem unless I show some skin. But you have to promise to look if you're only really truly interested. The link to the second set of pictures is below this set: :)

Fully clothed before and after

And for those of you that are truly intersted in the awful truth, the "real" photos are here

Growing up, packing light

Heather — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:40:00 GMT

We went on a road trip this weekend. We visited my family near Rochester, NY to go on a wine tasting tour for my sister-in-law's birthday (so much fun by the way, I'd highly recommend it!). I was making our packing list for the trip and I realized we've turned a corner. My list for even the shortest of weekend trips used to be pages long...pack-n-play, high chair thing, bibs, formula, etc. etc. My list this weekend was short and sweet. Basically the boys just needed the same things we needed; pajamas, clothes, hats, gloves. Rather than make a separate list for each person, for the first time in three-and-a-half years I just made one list with categories like "clothes", "outerwear", "toiletries".

We've hit a milestone. We've merged lists. The only thing I had on my list that was kid-centered were a sippy cup for each kid and diapers for Ben. That's it! No special sleeping contraptions, no special chairs, no special foods, no special toys, just us and our clothes. It was refreshing.

It was also a bit sad. I realized when making that list that my babies are growing up. They're not babies anymore, they're people.

Someday maybe I can even get rid of the mini-van. There's hope.

Time flies when you're having...kids

Heather — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 03:32:00 GMT

I let my little baby boy fall asleep cuddled in my arms tonight. I'm sure I'll pay for it tomorrow with repeated orders of "Mommy, COME!" and refusal to go to sleep on his own, but it was worth it. Laying in his bed with him smelling his freshly-washed, still damp hair and listening to him breathe was a moment I will never forget. And all too soon those moments will be gone.

A good friend of mine has a son that turned 15 today. She has two boys about the same age difference as mine, and they are now 13 and 15. Her advice to me is constantly "enjoy it, they grow up way too fast!" My nephew also turned 15 yesterday. I remember when he was just a little tyke, about the same age as Ben is now. He was such a cute little boy and my kids remind me a lot of Nick at that age. And now he's 15. It's unbelievable how fast it's gone. And they're all such wonderful kids, I can only hope my boys turn out so well as teenagers.

I just wish I could capture these times and hold on to them forever. I try to take as many photos and videos as I can, but nothing can replace the smell of freshly-washed toddler hair, or the rise and fall of their chest and the little sighs they make when they sleep. Or the hugs I get daily.

I know some day, in the not-too-distant future, my kids won't want to hug me and cuddle with me anymore. They won't beg me to stay with them until they fall asleep. They won't think I'm cool.

So I'm going to treasure each and every moment that I can, while those moments are still available to me.

So I cuddled with my baby tonight. And I loved it. And then, just as I was about to shed a few tears, Ben rolled over, shouted "Mama OUT!" and kicked me in the head.

That's my Ben. The boy knows what he wants. :)

The lost art of dressing up

Heather — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Why doesn't anyone dress up anymore?

We recently attended my husband's company Christmas party. It's held at a country club- very fancy, very classy. And just about everyone (but me) wore pants. Why? Why? Why? Why don't people get dressed up anymore? I thought maybe it was just his company, but then I just spoke to a good friend who's husband works for Honda. They have a black tie holiday party where people normally wear tuxedos and floor-length gowns. She said this year they made the black tie optional and most women wore cocktail dresses. They're starting the slide towards pants, too.

The way I look at it, I only get to get dressed up all fancy one night a year. And I want to dress up! I am like a little princess who wants to wear heels and makeup and curl my hair. Especially now that I'm a mom and I spend 90% of my time at home in yoga pants, I relish the opportunity to get all dressed up.

And these damn pants-wearing women are taking it away from me. I'm starting to stick out like a (very nicely dressed) sore thumb at this party. And I don't like it. Not one little bit.

What happened? People used to dress for church, to ride on an airplane, to go to the theater. When did our world stop being so willing to look nice and start wearing jeans all the time.

I've fallen into the same habits that most people do. I realized this weekend that I didn't have to change from my pajamas to my day clothes back to my pajamas...because it was all the same outfit (yoga pants and long sleeve shirt). And at work when I do wear a skirt most people stop me and ask what the special occasion is. It's kind of sad really.

But I draw the line at holiday parties. And wearing jeans to church. And sweat pants on a plane.

If you wore pants to a fancy Christmas party this year, I'd like to hear from you. Step up and defend yourself.

Tell me why we've lost the art of dressing up, or I just might show up at our next play date in my prom dress.

Bar fights? Nope, just a brawl at Chuck E Cheese

Heather — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:45:00 GMT

After my message board post yesterday on the appleal of Chuck E Cheese, my husband thought it fitting to send me this article today. It's an article by the Wall Street Journal about the numerous fights that break out at Chuck E Cheese every year. It seems that the main culprits are the alcohol they serve and what they've dubbed the "mama bear" instinct. Most areas report more police calls to Chuck E Cheese than bars and other nightclubs. Crazy!

I found it especially funny that they mentioned "CEC is considering systemwide signs at popular games such a machine that draws digital pictures of customers to let people know there may be a time or token limit." I just about had to "*** slap" a woman at our CEC last weekend for monopolizing that exact digital-picture-drawing machine. My poor kids were waiting patiently and she just kept putting token after token in, making new pictures of herself. And she was an adult.

It's gotten so bad that "Now some towns are asking CEC to step into the ring. Amid pressure from local politicians, some Chuck E. Cheese's have stopped serving alcohol and added security guards who carry pistols."

To me this just has "bad idea" written all over it. If we need people to carry guns at a kids' play place what is the world coming to? It certainly wouldn't be the place I'd choose to take my children.

On one hand I want to laugh at this article and the next minute I'm nodding my head in agreement What parent hasn't wanted to beat the crap out of another parent for letting their kid be a bully, or a brat? What parent hasn't diciplined another person's kid, all along wishing the kid's own parent would step in and do it themselves?

But beating each other up? At Chuck E Cheese? That's just stooping to a level of immaturity that one would hope someone old enough to have children would be above.

If you can't drive 'em, don't buy 'em

Heather — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 03:34:00 GMT

I just have a little rant to round out the weekend. After returning from a trip to the Ross Park Mall (apparantly the gazillion people there didn't get the memo about the recession) I'm once again frustrated at other drivers. I definitely give plenty of people reasons to be frustrated at my driving on occasion, but this is my blog and I get to be the one to ***, so I will.

I'm so tired of the tank-size SUVs with little teeny tiny women behind the wheel who cannot drive them. For that matter, there are plenty of people with mini-vans, too, who can't seem to handle the size. Really, people, if you can't drive it, don't buy it. If you can't see over the steering wheel without a pillow or phone book, step away from the Escalade.

I really think they should have a mandatory driving test in the dealerships. If you can't get into or out of a parking spot without making a 16-point-turn, then you automatically fail. If you require people to back up at a traffic light because you swing it as wide as a PAT bus, you automatically fail. If you only have one child and don't NEED a big vehicle, you fail.

I'm sure to get angry hait mail from the Big Three auto companies now, but let the chips fall as they may, I'm tired of sharing the road with giant vehicles and the little people who can't drive them.

I'm not down on big vehicles, I drive a mini-van for petes sakes. But I can parallel park that thing on a dime when necessary. I just think some sort of skills should be required.

Don't get me started on old people and their driving...

The teacher taught

Heather — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 03:16:00 GMT

I'm constantly amazed by my children. I send them off to daycare each day with a huge hug, a kiss and a heart full of guilt. But each day they come home happy and full of stories and knowledge.

Lately, their knowledge has surpassed mine. Recently we were playing the "gimme five" game and I thought three was a good age to teach Matthew the "high five, up high, down low, too slow" verion. He's old enough to be tricked and laugh about it and he seems to get a kick out of those silly games.

So I started it like I always do "High five! Up high!"...but before I could get an further, he took over, and completely surprised me. He did the traditional "down low" but then went into new territory with "cut the pickle" (by putting his index fingers together and making me "chop" them), then TICKLE TICKLE!! (said while tickling me and laughing hysterically).

I was just in awe that he learned something completely on his own without my knowledge (both my knowledge itself and my knowledge of his learning!)

Then tonight we were reading "Five Little Ladybugs" and instead of counting the ladybugs in English he started saying "Uno, dos, tres, quatro..."

The boys knows Spanish! I didn't teach him spanish! Unless he got himself a copy of the Rosetta Stone series, I'm pretty sure he learned it at daycare.

Both kids are just such sponges of information lately and I'm glad they they're learning so much at school. It's a bit hard on my ego to have them learn so much that I didn't have a hand in teaching them, but once I get past that I realize it's a good thing that they're learning so much from so many people.

After all, I was never very good at Spanish.

Adios, amigos.

Games kids play

Heather — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:12:00 GMT

Matthew is really into games right now. He's constantly asking to play a game. Last year I bought him Candyland and Chutes and Ladders for Christmas, realizing quickly that two-and-a-half is too young for games, so we packed them back away for another day. I pulled out Chutes and Ladders again this week and thought we'd give it another try. We're close, but not quite there yet. I see why the box says "Ages 4 and up". It's not that they'll choke on the pieces at three-and-a-half, it's that they don't understand the concept of games.

But, in Matthew's defense, who ever thought of putting a slide on a game and making it the "bad guy" wasn't very in tune with the mind of a child. Matthew just kept asking me how many he needed to spin to get to a slide so he could slide down. When I'd tell him the number, he'd very carefully "spin" the spinner (never taking his hand off of it) so it conveniently landed on the exact number he needed to slide down the biggest slide possible. And climbing up ladders, a good thing? Obviously either Milton or Bradley wasn't very in touch with the mind of an adult either. I think they have it backwards. You should start at the top and have to climb up the ladders for punishment and get to slide down the slides for fun. That's how they should have designed it.

So, when it comes to playing games we seem to be entering in the "cheating" phase, where Matthew will do whatever it takes to get his piece where he wants it to be, whether it's his turn or not. He's pretty sly about it, and doesn't whine, but I can tell we're in the beginning of the "I must win" stage.

So what do all you other parents do? Let your kid win? Or teach them that we don't always win and whoop their pants off at games?

In defense of the Christmas letter

Heather — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:41:00 GMT

I hear a lot of people talking smack about the "annual Christmas letter". I want to be the first to stand up in defense of the Christmas letter. I love getting Christmas letters! I don't know why people complain so much, I truly enjoy reading about the comings and goings of my friends throughout the year. I'm interested to know that Jeremy did well in soccer and Riley won her dance competition. I want to know that Aunt Cindy got married and mom finished her degree. Call it bragging, but if you truly love those who are sending you the letters, there should be nothing but happiness for those accomplishments.

I'm not sure what people dislike so much. Maybe I've never received a bad Christmas letter? Or maybe I'm just a better person than all of you and I'm truly happy for my friends and their accomplishments :)

I used to send a Christmas letter. I don't anymore - not because I don't believe in them, but because I've been sending photo cards and keep getting too busy to write one. I remember the first year I wanted to send a Christmas letter. My husband looked at me with what can only be described as horror and disgust. I was sad he felt that way, and even though he talked about how his family would gather around and make fun of the Christmas letters they received, I insisted on sending one anyway.

Now, as the Christmas card season approaches, I walk patiently to the mailbox each day, waiting for the coveted Christmas letter. I get excited when an envelope feels thick, much like waiting for those college acceptance/rejection letters. Thicker is better. Send me letters, send me pictures, but whatever you do, do not send a card with nothing but a signature in it. What good is that to me? A random Christmas card with your signature does not get my vote. In fact, I get annoyed when people just sign their names. At least write a little note!

Perhaps we could take some lessons from this site on how to write an "appropriate" Christmas letter (Rule #1 - no bragging), or get a good chuckle from some of the best brags people put in their Christmas letters, but I beg you, don't stop writing the Christmas letter!

I know I'll be waiting by my mailbox, waiting for those gems, in the thick envelopes, telling me all about your year. If you have any extra Christmas letters this year, and nobody to appreciate them, send them my way, I'll be happy for you and little Johnny too. Attn: Christmas Letter Lover Heather Fiedler, 201 Wood Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15222

Power to the letter!