I recently saw an article/blog post that referred to the thought that being a good mother might make you a bad wife. At least that’s what I took from the title…I did not read the article.
Why? Well, first, I’ve had the idea to write about this for a while so I didn’t want my thoughts and opinions influenced by the author. Second, I didn’t want to agree with her.
I do, though.
I’m an attentive, caring, supportive, loving, fun mother. I’m the opposite and more when I look at myself as a wife.
I’ve struggled for years with the fact that I’m quick tempered, distant, and, honestly, extremely disrespectful to my husband. I am. I know it. I’ve failed him. I’ve become the wife I didn’t want to be.
I’m a terrible wife, and I don’t know how to turn it around.
I love my husband. I mean, I LOOOOOVE him. But, I always put him on the back burner. I never make time for him while on the flip side I constantly make time for my kids and always bend over backwards to put them first.
When I ask myself “why can’t you do that for Adam?” My answer is usually “COME ON! You know I waaaant to, but I’m so tired/lazy/busy/whatever. I’ll do it tomorrow. I promise.”
And, I don’t.
My poor husband.
I can’t put it all on myself. Sometimes my husband retreats like a third wheel when the kids and I are together. Sometimes he doesn’t put forth the effort. Sometimes I have all the same complaints as most women do about their husbands and get pretty pissed off at him. It’s not all me, but I do need some tweaking.
We were together 10 years before we started having babies. Ten amazing, love-filled years and then it seemed like I could only devote myself to one person at a time and my attention went directly to my first born then stretched to my second, and I feel spent.
Is there a way to be both a good mother AND a good wife? Perhaps not all the time, but most of the time?
I don’t think we’re “in trouble” or anything…just in a sad situation right now.