Yesterday at the park a little girl about three tapped me on the side and asked if I could help her climb up a pole like I helped Lincoln climb up it.

“I’m sorry, honey,” I said sadly. “I can’t. Where’s your mommy?”

She pointed over to a woman several yards away with her back to us fishing with a bunch kids older than this little girl.

“Get your mommy to help you. I’m sorry,” I said.

Last week, while sitting on the crowded steps of the river walk downtown waiting for the Fourth of July fireworks, a little girl about the same age was switching back and forth between sitting with her mom, who was sitting behind me on the steps, and her grandmother, who was close to the river. Each time this girl passed me, I held her hand so she could step down that big last step.

I felt weird in both situations – like I was doing something wrong.

So, I ask you, what do you do?

I try to measure the level of involvement by me, a stranger, in determining my boundaries. I also factor in the possibility of injury. For the girl on the steps, I was just holding her hand. For the girl at the park, I’d be picking her up and pushing her up the pole. However, my thoughts on our interaction may not be the same as their mothers’. Honestly, I have no idea what to do!

 I wanted desperately to help the little girl at the park. He mother wasn’t paying attention to her and never really turned back to make sure she was still there where she left her. She really wanted to go up that pole. I would have been fine helping her, but would her mother?

Neither the mother nor the grandmother said anything to me when I helped the little girl down the steps each time. No “thank you.” No “don’t touch my kid.” No nothing. Was I doing something wrong or not by preventing her from falling and smashing her face on the concrete?

Also, I feel weird when I tell another kid not to hit or push Lincoln or to take turns when they’re trying to cut in front of Lincoln in a line. I fully believe it’s in my right to tell a kid not to hurt or bully my kid, but I still feel funny about it.

What are your boundaries with a stranger’s interaction with your kids in these situations? Would you care if they helped him or her up the pole or pushed them on the swing or held their hand so they wouldn’t fall? What if they reprimanded your kid for doing something wrong to their kid?

What would you do for another kid you didn’t know?

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Erin Hill is a first-time mom to Lincoln, who was born in January 2010. She's learning as she goes and is experiencing everything a new mom goes through while seeing the humor, irony, and enjoyment in her adventures.

Erin is a full-time technical writer and features freelance writer in her "spare time." She lives in Plum with Lincoln, her husband, Adam, their dog, Roxie, and five (yes, five) cats, Nirvana, Gary Roberts, Elvis, Talbot and Forrest.

Last weekend my husband ran into a woman he hadn’t seen in at least 20 years. They caught up, talked about old times, and I learned this woman I had just met was the mother of some kids Adam was friends with when he was little.

After only five minute of reminiscing, she asks, “so, when are you having more kids?”

In the words of the great Stephanie Tanner – how rude!

My husband and I dated for seven years before we got married. About two years into dating, we started getting “when are you two getting married?” We were both in college and living with our parents and several people thought it was a good idea we start talking marriage?

Once we got married -- you know the drill – “when are you having kids?”

Ugh.

For some reason this infuriates me. First, I don’t like when people insist I follow some pattern – meet, marriage, house, kids, die. Second, why do people think it’s OK to ask this stuff, these personal questions about these life-changing events? People are people and go places they shouldn’t, that’s why.

What if we were desperately trying to have another child, and it wasn’t working out? What if we were struggling raising our one child? What if Adam wanted more kids and I didn’t or vice versa and it was wrecking our marriage? What if we just want one kid?

Instead of making up some story to make this lady regret asking and think twice when considering do it to someone else, I told her the truth.

“We don’t know.”

“Oh?” she said. “Really?”

Yes, really. STOP TALKING!

How did you/do you deal with these situations? I know it’s happened to you! 

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Erin Hill is a first-time mom to Lincoln, who was born in January 2010. She's learning as she goes and is experiencing everything a new mom goes through while seeing the humor, irony, and enjoyment in her adventures.

Erin is a full-time technical writer and features freelance writer in her "spare time." She lives in Plum with Lincoln, her husband, Adam, their dog, Roxie, and five (yes, five) cats, Nirvana, Gary Roberts, Elvis, Talbot and Forrest.

Do you get happy or sad when your kids hit a milestone?

My one friend seems to find every milestone devastating. My other friend celebrates them. It’s difficult for me to do either full on.

I guess I'm neutral about Lincoln growing up. Please, don’t take that as I don’t care. I do, I do, I do. It’s just that for each milestone – walking, talking, and the latest sleeping in his big boy bed – I’ve been so extremely happy and so extremely sad that it just kind of levels out.

Of course, I’m extremely proud. I’m proud Linc is in his big boy bed (and staying there throughout the night). I’m proud of all the new things he can do. I’m proud of his independence (OK, that one does sting a little bit). Each step forward is amazing. I can get sad at times, I can get happy at times -- about the same thing. Pride, however, is always there.

You go, boy!

If you can't make out the picture, that's Linc snoozing in his big boy bed.

 

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Erin Hill is a first-time mom to Lincoln, who was born in January 2010. She's learning as she goes and is experiencing everything a new mom goes through while seeing the humor, irony, and enjoyment in her adventures.

Erin is a full-time technical writer and features freelance writer in her "spare time." She lives in Plum with Lincoln, her husband, Adam, their dog, Roxie, and five (yes, five) cats, Nirvana, Gary Roberts, Elvis, Talbot and Forrest.

My mom always said there’s no stronger love than between a mother and her children. She’d say “I love you and I always will, and I know you love me.”

She knows?

She knew when I couldn’t talk? When I could talk but didn’t know the words to explain how much I loved her? When I was going through that stage where it seemed like every word out of my mouth was sent to stab her right through the heart (poor mommy)? She knew the whole time?

Now that I’m a mom, I know how she knew. It’s not always those three little words that announce love – especially from your child. Lincoln’s sweet voice says “I love you mommy” often, but his actions by far speak louder and more frequently.

Last night, he moved his little head onto my shoulder as I read him a story. When we sit together, his chubby hand often caresses my arm for no reason but love. He’s put his hand on my shoulder when he’s sensed something was wrong. His face lights up when I pick him up from school as he yells “MOMMY!”, and I just love his out-of-no-where random hugs and kisses. And, there’s so much more!

He loves me.

How do your kids show love for you?

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Erin Hill is a first-time mom to Lincoln, who was born in January 2010. She's learning as she goes and is experiencing everything a new mom goes through while seeing the humor, irony, and enjoyment in her adventures.

Erin is a full-time technical writer and features freelance writer in her "spare time." She lives in Plum with Lincoln, her husband, Adam, their dog, Roxie, and five (yes, five) cats, Nirvana, Gary Roberts, Elvis, Talbot and Forrest.